I've met many guys in my life and most of them have become very good friends of mine. They show me the love and warmth of a friend and it feels like they want something more but when you start to move towards it, they pull away. Is that just a tease or do they really feel something but afraid to admit it?
Many times, I think that the moment wasn't right. Cause if it was, something magical would have happened. It's hard to gauge these things specially if you know that there is a possibility of rejection on either side.
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The guys I've been with are few and far between. I tend to want to emotionally get attached first before I jump into sex if you know what I mean. It just seems more meaningful and more pleasurable for me to jump into bed with someone I longed for or someone I admired and loved.
But life doesn't seem to work that way. I am still learning and so far, most of them would simply want you to be one of the guys. I'm okay with that but I don't want them showing me affections that friends don't normally show.
I will learn one day. Right now, I'm coasting and I'm trying to figure out if there's more to what these guys want from me. I'm not going to be around forever and if I have to make the first move all the time, things will never progress. I am shy in that way. I don't push myself to someone I believe will not give me the time of day.
We grow, we learn. As of right now - - I'm still learning. If and when that guy comes around and we are meant for each other - - this drama won't have to play out. Yes is yes and no is no. That's about all there is to know.
I can't suffer just because someone is not attracted to me. I just move on to the next guy. It's not rocket science.
And one day, if it is meant to be... we don't have to struggle to know if one likes the other. It would flow naturally. I'm still waiting for that moment.